Why New Habits Are So Hard to Build—and How to Make Them Stick for Good
If you’ve ever felt motivated to make a change, only to find yourself right back where you started after a few days, you’re not alone. The truth is, forming lasting habits is tough, and it’s not because we’re lazy or lack willpower. It’s because our brains are actually wired to resist change in favor of comfort and ease.
Let’s dive into why creating habits is so challenging, explore how understanding a bit of neuroscience can make it easier, and look at how you can finally make those changes stick.
Why Do We Struggle to Form New Habits?
Most of us approach habits with a focus on what we do—going to the gym, eating healthier, saving more money—but ignore the mindset, beliefs, and emotions behind those actions. This “just do it” approach can work for a while, but it’s often not sustainable. Here’s why:
1. We Ignore Our Beliefs and Feelings
If your beliefs and feelings don’t align with your goals, habits can feel impossible to sustain. Say you want to exercise more but secretly see exercise as a form of punishment. Your mind is going to resist every time. You might push through for a week or two, but eventually, your brain will find ways to avoid something it interprets as negative.
Try this instead: Take some time to explore your underlying beliefs. Reframe the habit so it aligns with a positive purpose, like seeing exercise as a way to care for yourself or as a stress-relief tool. When the habit feels supportive, your brain is more likely to stick with it.
2. We Try to Do Too Much at Once
Ever decided to change your diet, start a new workout routine, meditate daily, and wake up earlier—all in the same week? Overloading yourself with too many changes at once is one of the fastest ways to burn out. When you’re trying to take on multiple habits, your brain feels overwhelmed by the new workload, and it’s likely that none of the changes stick.
Better approach: Pick one small habit to focus on and allow it to become second nature before moving on to the next. This slow-and-steady method builds consistency, which is what truly sustains new habits in the long run.
3. We Make Drastic Changes
Going from zero to a hundred overnight might sound great on paper, but your brain loves routine and stability. When you make a drastic change—say, switching from fast food to strict keto—the discomfort can make it hard to maintain. When our routines feel too unfamiliar, the brain naturally resists.
Small steps are key: Start by tweaking existing routines. If you’re trying to eat healthier, introduce one veggie at each meal before overhauling your diet. Small changes ease your brain into new patterns, which makes the habit more sustainable.
4. We Rely Too Much on Motivation
Motivation is that initial spark that gets us to lace up our sneakers or prepare a meal from scratch, but it’s incredibly unreliable. Neuroscientifically, motivation gives us a burst of energy, but it’s fleeting. We’re wired to conserve energy, which means our brains will eventually opt for the path of least resistance—often back to our old habits.
Shift your focus: Instead of relying on motivation, think of habits as a commitment. Motivation might get you started, but planning and structure will keep you going. Make your new habits as automatic as possible by prepping your environment or setting cues that make it easy to follow through.
5. All-or-Nothing Thinking Holds Us Back
Perfectionism can ruin even the best intentions. When we slip up, it’s easy to think, “I missed one workout this week; I may as well skip the rest.” This all-or-nothing mindset keeps us stuck because any deviation feels like failure, which leads to giving up altogether.
A better mindset: Allow yourself some flexibility. Miss a day? No big deal; just get back to it. The goal is consistency over time, not perfection. The more you practice getting back on track, the less one slip will derail you.
Understanding the Motivational Triad: Why Your Brain Resists Change
The motivational triad is a concept from neuroscience that explains why our brains prioritize comfort and safety over change. There are three main drivers:
Seek Pleasure: Your brain loves anything that feels good in the moment, which is why it’s easy to choose Netflix over that project you wanted to finish.
Avoid Pain: Any time we face discomfort—be it physical effort or emotional vulnerability—our brains push us away from it.
Conserve Energy: Brains are energy-saving machines. Sticking with old routines is easier and requires less effort, so change feels like hard work.
These factors kept our ancestors safe and fed, but in modern life, they can work against us. Understanding the motivational triad helps us realize that struggling to stick to a new habit isn’t a flaw; it’s our brain’s way of trying to keep things “safe” and comfortable.
The Role of Emotional Regulation in Habit Formation
One of the biggest challenges to building new habits isn’t necessarily the habit itself, but the emotions that arise when we’re stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. Emotions can quickly pull us out of rational thinking and straight into comfort-seeking behaviors, like skipping the gym or reaching for that quick sugary snack.
How to Stay on Track Despite Emotional Pulls:
Practice Pausing: When you feel emotionally triggered, take a moment to pause and breathe. This pause helps your brain move from a reactive state to a reflective one, making it easier to choose actions that align with your long-term goals.
Label Your Emotions: Studies show that naming your emotions can reduce their intensity, making them feel less overwhelming. Instead of acting on autopilot, try acknowledging, “I feel stressed,” and allow yourself a moment to process it.
Reframe the Moment: Remind yourself of the bigger picture. If you’re tempted to skip your new habit, ask yourself, “What’s more important—this moment’s comfort or my long-term goal?”
Building emotional regulation skills not only helps you stick to your new habit, but it also makes those habits feel more rewarding because they align with your deeper values.
Strategies for Building Habits That Last
Now that we know why habits can be so hard to establish, let’s look at strategies that work. Neuroscience offers us some practical insights that can make habit formation feel natural rather than forced.
1. Start Small and Build Gradually
When starting a new habit, small steps are everything. Trying to run a marathon on day one will make your brain feel overwhelmed, but starting with a short walk around the block lets your brain ease into a new routine. As that small habit becomes comfortable, you can add more without triggering resistance.
2. Use Habit Stacking
One effective technique for forming habits is “habit stacking”—linking a new habit to something you already do daily. If you want to start journaling, place your notebook next to your coffee maker and jot down a few lines as you sip your morning coffee. By stacking new habits onto familiar routines, you make the new behavior easier to remember and repeat.
3. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome
Rather than setting a goal of writing a book, set a goal of writing for ten minutes a day. Focusing on showing up to the process rather than achieving an outcome reduces pressure and builds consistency over time. The more you show up, the closer you’ll get to your long-term goal without stressing about perfection.
4. Design Your Environment to Support Your Goals
Our environment has a powerful impact on our habits. If you’re trying to read more, keep a book by your bed or on your desk instead of hidden on a shelf. If you want to eat healthier, stock your fridge with easy, nutritious options. Make your environment a place that supports your goals rather than one filled with temptations that derail them.
Change Is Not a One-Time Effort
When we understand that our brains naturally resist change, it becomes easier to work with ourselves rather than against ourselves. Small steps, self-compassion, and patience are all keys to habit-building. Remember, every small, intentional choice adds up. It’s not about making the perfect choice every time; it’s about showing up consistently over time.
Transformation isn’t something we do overnight; it’s a process of gradual change, guided by commitment rather than motivation. The more we embrace that journey, the easier it becomes to build habits that align with the life we want.
