Reality Is Much Kinder Than the Stories We Tell About It
How often do you find yourself thinking in terms of 'should' or 'shouldn’t'?
We say things like, “This shouldn’t be happening,” “They should have treated me differently,” or “I should be further along by now.” Every time we do this, we are arguing with reality—and every time we argue with reality, we lose.
Why Do We Resist Reality?
Resistance comes from our desire for control. We believe that if things were different—if people acted differently, if the past had unfolded another way—we would be happier. But here’s the truth: happiness is not found in controlling the world, but in accepting it as it is.
Reality vs. The Story You Tell
Most suffering doesn’t come from reality itself, but from the meaning we attach to it.
Reality: Your friend cancels plans.
Story: “They don’t value me. They don’t care.”
Reality: You didn’t get the job you wanted.
Story: “I’m not good enough.”
But what if we stopped adding unnecessary stories? What if we met reality with curiosity instead of resistance?
How to Drop the 'Shoulds' and Meet Reality with Openness
Catch yourself using 'should' and 'shouldn’t.' When you do, pause and ask: “Who says this should be different?”
Reframe the situation. Instead of saying “This shouldn’t have happened,” try “This is what happened—how do I want to respond?”
Ask yourself: What if this is happening for me, not to me? Every challenge is an opportunity to grow.
Try This:
The next time you catch yourself in resistance, take a deep breath and ask: “What if I stopped fighting reality and just met it as it is?” See what shifts within you.
